Ducca was the shit(s)

Ducca, a new SF restaurant in 2007 was voted a top 10 restaurant by SF Chronicle's foodie Michael Bauer. Ergo, Julie got all excited and booked us up a rezzo so we can experience their "Venetian" fare ourselves. Honestly, I can't get excited about any italian restaurant, which by its very nature, removes about 80% of all new restaurants that are opening in SF nowadays. (I think the other 20% are classified as Thai noodle places. (poubelle))

Anyway, in this case, I had a prior engagement, so this guy did not attend this latest DICS outing. But to those that did go, I exclaim in your general direction a hearty "HA!" I'm sorry, do I enjoy seeing my friends eat bad meals? no. Do I enjoy successfully avoiding what I perceived would be a sure waste of time? yes!

Well, it's late and I've nothing else to do, so I'll paraphrase Julie's report on Ducca.
There were the four of them at the table, enough to order a sizable cross section of their offerings. The quietness and absence of other patrons was an ominous sign, but the diners went through with their original plan and ordered a large variety of dishes.

They all sucked.

Not knowing how this restaurant received a top 10 from the Chronicle, we surmised that Michael Bauer must be getting some sort of...of...what's the French word for "kickback"? So glad I am to have avoided this waste of time!

y'know, when it comes to food, I don't care how you decorate it, I don't care what kind of plate it sits on, I don't care if Owen Wilson came to this same restaurant 3 days ago, I don't care if Mario Batali is a part owner. All I care about when it comes to food from restaurants, because I believe these are organically evolved signs of a good place to eat, is that it fulfills more than one of the following conditions:

a) Cook is overweight. Not just average American overweight, but I mean goddamn Paul Prudhomme overweight (Hard to assess, cuz most cooks/chefs/sauciers/schiesters work behind closed doors

b) Appears dirty, but in fact passes health inspections. (eg. Shalimar is a good example. Another is Shanghai Dumpling King)

c) Is cooked by a mom looking figure (eg. Cafe Jacqueline)

d) Is busy. Hopefully surprisingly busy due to its forgettable location, or superficial displays of uncleanliness (eg. Tio Alberto's in Isla Vista, and again, Shalimar)

e) Remote. So remote, you know it has to be good to stay in business. This final qualification almost makes me want to take a pilgrimage to El Bulli.

Ok, so this post really didn't have that much to do with Ducca, aside from the mentioning that it sucked. But then, I'm not in a position to elucidate on the whys & hows of it sucking. You'll have to wait for the other DICS to jive on that.